You must be the new cog. Welcome to the Temporal Integrity Agency. We defend the timeline from interference and try to repair the damage when we can’t. Judging by the look on your face, a few months ago you didn’t even think time travel was possible. Now you’ve been through basic training, peered into the vortex and witnessed the birth of the universe, and you don’t know which way is up. It’s okay, that’s natural. Part of the training is just to see if you can take it, because the beginning of all Creation is the most boring thing you will see in this job. Traversing the timestream is confusing business—some of the most brilliant minds to ever live have gone mad studying it. It’s hard as hell to write a report when you’re not sure if you did something yesterday or 5,000 years ago, or both. My advice to you is to focus on the basics and not think too hard about the other stuff. 

I’m Agent Greaves, and I’ll be your TO. Our assignment is Rescue Response. Under my guidance, you will learn the basics of how to track, tag, and bag a target while leaving a minimal footprint on the local timezone. Don’t worry—our targets are not outlaws and renegades, but the lost and wayward. Mostly uptime tourists enjoying themselves a little too much and straying from the beaten path. Kids fucking around with their first timeships. We’re gonna be replacing a lot of dead power cells for people that should know better. 

That’s right, cog. After the 50th century, time travel is accessible to anybody who can afford it. I’m assured it is tightly controlled and regulated, but we still get a lot of uptime folks wandering around in the wrong eras, having all sorts of fish-out-of-water misadventures that aren’t supposed to be happening. Tidying up after rowdy visitors is how Housekeeping got started, and now it’s one of the largest divisions in the Agency. If you want the most boring and thankless job an agent can have, you can sign up to be a Cleaner. 

To be honest, they probably see more action than we do. Usually, the target is thrilled to see a Rescuer. Resistance is uncommon, and we’re equipped to easily and quietly subdue the more hysterical ones, as well as any local hostiles. We try to avoid that; this job is all about being invisible. If you only remember one thing I tell you today, let it be this: don’t try to be a hero, or go above and beyond. Forget that shit. Command is always more impressed by agents that know when their interference is not needed. The Agency strives to be as hands-off as possible, because fixing something always leads to more things that need fixing. Oftentimes doing nothing is preferable to doing the wrong thing…

You can read more about the Temporal Integrity Agency for just a dollar!